Throughout my life, I've always wanted things. I knew what I wanted to do when I'd grow up. Except I wanted too many things. So there were phases. It didn't change much, but there were some movements.
I admit, I don't understand those who don't know what they want to be when they grow up. It always seemed weird to me. Don't know why, it actually makes sense, not knowing something like this. But as a child who knew what she wanted to do since about the age of 6, I could never see that.
Ever since I learned how to write, I loved writing, and wanted to do just that. Be an author. It started with many many stories that I started writing that were meant to become b
ooks. Children books, mostly. I used to have a folder and notebooks, and a little notepad that was filled with ideas and titles. When I was very little, an author came to school to talk to us. By the end of the meeting, I approached her and told her all about my writing and ideas. I knew I wanted to be her.
A little later, but still while being little girl, I didn't want to be an author only, but also a mystic. I collected stones with many books on them, learned that subject and really grew a hobby that at the time became my second desire of what I wanted to be. The mystics thingy was actually my grandmother's, and she passed it on to me. So I wanted to be both – a mystic and an author. I was still writing a lot, even a musical or two..
The musical part arrived right after I also decided that I wanted to be an actress. It came completely out of the blue. Because I went to an after school drama class that my friend invited me to. And since I didn't have better things to do, I joined the class and really got into it. Since that first class, I took more and more acting classes during the years. In 6th grade I took 3 different acting classes in one week. And that desire of being an actress has been escorting me till today. I went to a few auditions in my life, even been in an agency, while still taking courses, and gotten really really good at it. At least that's what people got from me.
This is when I also took an interest in another kind of writing: script writing. Both for TV and film. So of course I wanted to do both – writing scripts and acting. I even entered script writing contests and almost won twice. I also got a job at my town's TV studio. It used to be a once a week program talking about things that go on in town, on live. I had a position behind the scenes.
Then, guess what? I started working at a sewing workshop and got myself a new hobby. No, not sewing yet. Just bags. And it was just a hobby. It's only later when I decided I wanted to make bags for living. I'd never thought of that a few years ago. Be a bag designer. And lately I've made my decision, my latest anyway.
Once I quit my daily job at the workshop, I had a sudden revelation. I mean, I knew I wanted to make bags, but wasn't sure that it was what I wanted to do exclusively. I still wanted to pursue acting though. I don't say I don’t anymore, but the bags took the biggest part in my "what I want to do when I grow up".
And in the last few days, I had that revelation. I started sketching and planning bags. Not anything different from the usual self. I work on my studio, and yesterday I've also started the first bag making in there. I planned the pattern, what I always do, what I'm used to do. Then everything was combining together with the feeling of having a real working place, where it's all me. And I saw a new career where I could actually say it is my career. This is my working place, it's my brand, I have customers and I'm making money. Something is running.
So it all came together in a sudden realization that yes, that's what I'd like to do in life.
The most amazing thing, though, is the fact that everything I want to do, I learn by myself. I teach myself. Whether if it's script writing that I taught myself how to write, learning about the acting world and learning monologues by heart, and of course bag making. I never took a class on how to make bags. I was just taught how to make the basic bag, which I don't even follow today because of its different method. And because I'm stubborn, I push ahead and figure out things I still don't get. Like patterns and designs, different details. I taught myself. Even what certain things are called so I could find and buy them. Always learn better when I'm my own teacher. And it's obvious to me today, because when I used to be in school, I wasn't a very good student. No matter how hard I prepared myself for a test, I couldn't get a high score. I also don't always get what others teach me. And it's pretty hard, knowing I cannot be taught because I just don't get stuff unless I teach them to myself. School – not for me.
I think I'm in a place in my life where I can teach others what I know. And I love what I'm doing. That realization was intense. I was overjoyed working on the first bag in a long time and in my new studio. And I'm so lucky being able to do what I like and want to do. How many people can say that?
One of the best things about my profession is that there are always new things to do. It's not doing the same thing over and over again like I did in many jobs in the past. Feels great doing what you love. Feels great turning a hobby you didn't even thought of a few years ago, into a career. And I'm thankful for that!
I admit, I don't understand those who don't know what they want to be when they grow up. It always seemed weird to me. Don't know why, it actually makes sense, not knowing something like this. But as a child who knew what she wanted to do since about the age of 6, I could never see that.
Ever since I learned how to write, I loved writing, and wanted to do just that. Be an author. It started with many many stories that I started writing that were meant to become b
ooks. Children books, mostly. I used to have a folder and notebooks, and a little notepad that was filled with ideas and titles. When I was very little, an author came to school to talk to us. By the end of the meeting, I approached her and told her all about my writing and ideas. I knew I wanted to be her.A little later, but still while being little girl, I didn't want to be an author only, but also a mystic. I collected stones with many books on them, learned that subject and really grew a hobby that at the time became my second desire of what I wanted to be. The mystics thingy was actually my grandmother's, and she passed it on to me. So I wanted to be both – a mystic and an author. I was still writing a lot, even a musical or two..
The musical part arrived right after I also decided that I wanted to be an actress. It came completely out of the blue. Because I went to an after school drama class that my friend invited me to. And since I didn't have better things to do, I joined the class and really got into it. Since that first class, I took more and more acting classes during the years. In 6th grade I took 3 different acting classes in one week. And that desire of being an actress has been escorting me till today. I went to a few auditions in my life, even been in an agency, while still taking courses, and gotten really really good at it. At least that's what people got from me.
This is when I also took an interest in another kind of writing: script writing. Both for TV and film. So of course I wanted to do both – writing scripts and acting. I even entered script writing contests and almost won twice. I also got a job at my town's TV studio. It used to be a once a week program talking about things that go on in town, on live. I had a position behind the scenes.
Then, guess what? I started working at a sewing workshop and got myself a new hobby. No, not sewing yet. Just bags. And it was just a hobby. It's only later when I decided I wanted to make bags for living. I'd never thought of that a few years ago. Be a bag designer. And lately I've made my decision, my latest anyway.
Once I quit my daily job at the workshop, I had a sudden revelation. I mean, I knew I wanted to make bags, but wasn't sure that it was what I wanted to do exclusively. I still wanted to pursue acting though. I don't say I don’t anymore, but the bags took the biggest part in my "what I want to do when I grow up".
And in the last few days, I had that revelation. I started sketching and planning bags. Not anything different from the usual self. I work on my studio, and yesterday I've also started the first bag making in there. I planned the pattern, what I always do, what I'm used to do. Then everything was combining together with the feeling of having a real working place, where it's all me. And I saw a new career where I could actually say it is my career. This is my working place, it's my brand, I have customers and I'm making money. Something is running.
So it all came together in a sudden realization that yes, that's what I'd like to do in life.
The most amazing thing, though, is the fact that everything I want to do, I learn by myself. I teach myself. Whether if it's script writing that I taught myself how to write, learning about the acting world and learning monologues by heart, and of course bag making. I never took a class on how to make bags. I was just taught how to make the basic bag, which I don't even follow today because of its different method. And because I'm stubborn, I push ahead and figure out things I still don't get. Like patterns and designs, different details. I taught myself. Even what certain things are called so I could find and buy them. Always learn better when I'm my own teacher. And it's obvious to me today, because when I used to be in school, I wasn't a very good student. No matter how hard I prepared myself for a test, I couldn't get a high score. I also don't always get what others teach me. And it's pretty hard, knowing I cannot be taught because I just don't get stuff unless I teach them to myself. School – not for me.
I think I'm in a place in my life where I can teach others what I know. And I love what I'm doing. That realization was intense. I was overjoyed working on the first bag in a long time and in my new studio. And I'm so lucky being able to do what I like and want to do. How many people can say that?
One of the best things about my profession is that there are always new things to do. It's not doing the same thing over and over again like I did in many jobs in the past. Feels great doing what you love. Feels great turning a hobby you didn't even thought of a few years ago, into a career. And I'm thankful for that!
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